When I appeared on the Insider on CBS the other night, I made the comment “thank goodness this tirade was done over the phone because if Mel was in the same room as Oksana, he could have hit her.” But after listening to the latest tape and analyzing all of the tapes thus far, I will take my statement a step further. Not only could Mel have hit Oksana, he could have easily murdered her!
There is now a lot of controversy over whether or not her above photo with broken veneers is retouched or tampered with. All I can say is that if you look at her eyes in the photo they have NOT been tampered with. They are puffy and red. Those are the eyes of a woman who looks like they have been doing a lot crying .
Whether he hit her on the temple and the blow created a chain reaction that caused damage to the teeth,as her dentist says, the bottom line as we call heard on the tape, is that Mel admitted “ she deserved it.”
MEL’ VERBAL RAGE AND VERBAL ABUSE WERE NOT DOCTORED!
No one can deny the amount of rage and verbal violence that came out of Mel’s lips. We all heard it! Even if the tape was edited and doctored as some have reported, there is no way that his rage and verbal abuse was doctored.
Whether she stimulated or “egged him on” as people have commented, there is still no excuse for Mel’s out of control behavior. When someone makes you that angry to the point that we have seen Mel’s anger escalate, you need to leave immediately. Get away from the person , make a legal arrangement to see you child, and never look back at the relationship!
I am not definately blaming the victim. Any relationship involves two people. I say the same to Oksana as I say to Mel. If she heard his rage escalate to the point that it did, she needed to have left him long ag. She needed to have hired an attorney and needed to have never looked back.
WHY ABUSED WOMEN DO NOT LEAVE RIGHT AWAY
But unfortunately for Oksana, like so many abused women, most do not leave right away. They stay and stay and stay, hoping things will change for the better and that things will work out. Studies show that it often takes an abused woman 7 to 11 times of breaking off and coming back to the abusive relationship before she is out for good.
So the lame excuse that Mel’s camp gave that Oksana went away with him in January doesn’t fly. Just because she went back to Me after n abusive battle, does not necessarily mean that things were fine and dandy. It means that she was doing what abused women do, especially ones with children. She was trying to make things work between them.
MEL A CLASSIC ABUSER IN THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
When one looks at the Cycle of Violence common to abused women, Mel Gibson, appears to fit the classic picture of an abuser to a tee. That picture of an abuser often ends in such physical violence that it can cost a woman her life. Oksana could have easily been one more statistic to the millions of women murdered at the hands of a spouse, lover, boyfriend, or companion.
The name calling (cunt, bitch, whore), the violent yelling and animal-like grunting and heavy audible respiratory patterns, the irrational comments, exaggerated claims and blame ( that he has no money- none of the 900 million dollars he allegedly has, because he spent it all on her) pushing, the hitting(allegedly damaging her teeth), lack of empathy (telling her she deserved it when she complained of his violence) the degrading control (demanding oral sex from her even though they were in conflict) life endangering threats (to burn the house down and to hit her head with a bat) are only a step away from killing a person.
If you think this seems far fetched, think again. This is EXACTLY what happened to Nicole Brown Simpson. This is EXACTLY what happened to millions of women who die each year at the hands of men they are either living with or married to. This is EXACTLY what happens to women all over the world regardless of race, religion, culture, ethnic background, financial status, occupation, or physical appearance.
WHO ARE THE ABUSERS WHO CAN KILL?
Anyone who exhibits the patterns that Mel Gibson exhibited can kill! It doesn’t matter how rich or famous they are, if they have displayed the patterns that Mel displayed, they can definitely kill. Now I am not accusing Mel of being a murderer, but if someone is that consistently enraged and out of control as we have heard Mel to be, then anything is possible.
He may be so angry that he could strike a blow, hitting her in the head, causing a subdural hematoma where she would bleed into her brain, thus tragically ending her life.
The verbally violent tapes we have heard are not of just one conversation. They are of many conversations he had over time with Oksana. The red flag here is that Mel does not change his violent tone during any of the many different conversations we have heard.
There is no point where his anger and rage is diffused. It is consistent and whenever you hear consistent rage like this that escalates, it indicates that danger is imminent.
Men who are control freaks, silent but deadly erupting volcanos, arrogant condescending know it alls often turn into both emotional and physical abusers.
LEARNING TO READ THE WARNING SIGNALS OF A TOXIC ABUSER CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE
I have spent a lot of time studying the topic of abuse especially as it relates to men for my new book which will be on shelves this November called TOXIC MEN- 10 Ways to Identify, Deal With and Heal From Men Who Make Your Life Miserable.
This book is NOT a book about male bashing, nor am I an angry woman who hates men. On the contrary, as a heterosexual woman, I happen to love men. I just don’t love TOXIC MEN who abuse women. This book which is a sequel to my best selling book TOXIC PEOPLE which I wrote over 15 years ago, is designed to help save relationships and save lives.
The book is designed to help ANYONE learn to identify the red flags and the signals of any TOXIC MEN by learning to analyze their body language and looking for signals in the voice and speech patterns, (what they say and how they say it) facial expressions and nuances, and body language and movement.
If you happen to be in TOXIC abusive relationship, unlike simply telling you to just to leave, it tells you that you have options 10 specific proven techniques to be exact in an attempt to turn the Toxic relationship around.
And finally the book gives you some unique and unconventional ways to heal from any Toxic Relationship in which you nay have been involved.
The book is now available for preorder on Amazon.com so if you would like click here
http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Men-Ways-Identify-Miserable/dp/144050007X and you ill get a copy sent to you as soon as it is released.
WHY HOLLYWOOD IS SO QUIET ABOUT MEL?
One of the things that you are not hearing in the media is other celebrities speaking out against Mel with the exception of Barbara Walters, Joan Rivers and Joy Behar. They made is cler that Mel is not welocm on their shows.
The only ones who have spoken out in favor of Mel is Mickey Rourke and Whoppie Goldberg who is a friend of Mel’s. Her sticking up for him got her in a lot of hot water. Suddenly she became front page news as someone who stuck up for an abuser. While controversey may draw attention to Whoopie and the View and keep the show int he news, most performers don’t want to be associated with that type of news.
That is why most are steering clear of the Mel controversey. They don’t want the stink of Mel on them. They also know well enough that in Hollywood, anything can happen. Today Mel may be the biggest villan but tomorrow, the tide may turn. So that is why no one will stick their neck out.
Also Mel’s money makes him one of the most powerful people in Hollywood who with his alleged 900 million dollars can finance his own movie projects that would employ a lot of people and mean jobs for . He could be behind the scenes as a director and producer so no one wants to make waves.
If they are forced to speak of him as James Brolin was on the Joy Behar Show, he remarked thaathe wanted to hug Mel who may have been dealing with a lot of childhood deamons to make him so angry.
Personally, I think his career will take a huge hit. Becuase no matter how you spin it, we all heard the verbally violent vitriol and that is now etched into our brain forever. Even if he didn’t physically hit Oksana, he hit her verbally and he hit the baby verbally. Horrible words and emotional beatings are are often more damaging than the physical beatings. Yelling at a mother with that serverity while she is holding an innocent fragile baby and emotionally frightening abd upsetting the baby is child abuse in my view.
There is no more spin agent Ed Limato to help Mel out fo this mess. Personally I am boycotting any movie or project in which Mel gets involved. I have no tolerance for TOXIC PEOPLE who are abusers (physical or emotional) or racists who call people the N word or say abusive things about Mexicans or Jews. That means you- Mel Gibson. www.drlillianglass.com