Bachelor Jake Pavelka’s Violent Body Language, Smugness, Emotional Abuse, and Lack of Empathy Towards Vienna on Bachelor Reunion Showed A Toxic Man


In the last season of The Bachelor, Vienna Girardi was clearly the villain while Jake was seen as the good guy.

But after watching the Bachelor Reunion with Jake and Vienna, the roles have completely reversed. My new book, which will be released this coming November called  Toxic Men, Identify, Deal With and Heal From Men Who Make Your Life Miserable describes men like Jake Pavelka to a tee.


Before it got to the point where Vienna was upset in tears as seen in the photo above, there was a lot of back and forth and accusations between the two of them. They both accused the other of lying. He called her a liar who went behind her back to the tabloids. She said that she had no choice because she knew him. He told her that he didn’t know him. But when she  called him a” fame whore”. He actually laughed . He had nothing to say because it may have rung true to him.

Then he accused her of  cheating and being  with a “boy”. He didn’t say she was with  a “man” but instead called him a “boy”. This spoke volumes about Jake’s insecurity. Even when Vienna told Jake that the “boy” was a gay friend of hers, he ignored what she said.  

He  had his mind made up and that was that. Nothing Vienna said could change anything.


 Jake showed that he was  arrogant, smug, cut off  from communication, unsympathetic, completely into himself. He clearly showed behavior of a control freak who demanded that he be listened to!

When Vienna tried to apologize to him, he could care less. He was detached and arrogant. He then told her in the most gruff and harsh tone to “BE QUIET!

 How dare him speak to anyone like that! One wouldn’t even speak to an animal in that tone of voice. It was highly abusive and very disturbing to watch.



When Jake told her to “BE QUIET” his body language was abusive as well,  in that he presented his back hand to her.

 This is a very hostile gesture and can often be a precursor towards physical violence. When a person shows you the back of their hand during an argument, if they are angry enough at you and out of control enough, they could literally “back hand you”.

Jake also kept shaking his foot indicating that he wanted to get out of there. His body language was saying that wanted to leave and be far  away from Vienna.


If the backhanded violent gesture wasn’t enough, Jake then did something very shocking. It actually repulsed me to the point that I lost complete respect for him.

If  Jake  could be this  violent body language wise when telling her to stop interrupting him on national television, what could he do to her when the cameras were off of  them and they were in the privacy of their home?  

Jack  did a  mock karate chop on his thigh when he yelled at her to stop interrupting him. This is a HUGE red flag in my view. Gestures like that can and have  often lead to  physical violence. When someone punches a wall or punches their fist, or karate chops their thigh to get a point across it may be a dangerous signal and something to watch for 


Jake  told Vienna not only that he was  angry  bit that that she disgusted him. Telling someone you are angry at them for something they did is one thing.

 But telling them they disgust you is another. When you are angry there is hope that you can repair a relationship.

But when a person says  you disgust them, there is no hope for any repair. It is over. It means that you  have lost complete respect for the person.

You have taken away their dignity by making  a statement like that. and there is no going back. 


 Vienna was so devastated by the Karate chop, the yelling at her, and the verbal abuse that she retreated into a fetal position while sitting.

She  literally curled up into a ball with her head on her lap as she sobbed.

What was even more disturbing to see what Jake had done to her through his emotional abuse wa to see that Jake didn’t  even bat an eye. He could care less. He showed absolutely  no humanity.

Instead, he was focused on himself.  He leaned away  from her and tried to explain himself via  anger,  with his fist-like hand clasped to his shaking foot. He showed no compassion towards her  whatsoever.

The selfishness and lack of compassion on Jake;s part can never be forgotten. It reflected who he truly  is as a human being.



Vienna finally got the inner strength to get up and leave the set. That took a lot of guts on her part. As a seasoned professional in the media, the biggest sin one can ever commit is to walk off a set. But in Vienna’s situation, what she did showed strength. She was not going to take Jake’s abuse any longer.  But before she left the stage, she told Jake the truth about himself that he was the meanest person she ever met.

 Once again Jake didn’t bat an eye. He didn’t even look at her. He was more concerned with himself. He had no concern with her emotional state. He didn’t even go after her when she walked off the stage. He didn’t even try to comfort her. That was a huge turn off to viewers.

After watching Jake in action, I cannot imagine him having an acting career except for roles that may call for a TOXIC MAN like the one he exhibited on the reunion show.


23 thoughts on “Bachelor Jake Pavelka’s Violent Body Language, Smugness, Emotional Abuse, and Lack of Empathy Towards Vienna on Bachelor Reunion Showed A Toxic Man

  1. Jake was a jerk and weirdo to his dance partner on dancing with the stars..thats when his personality really started to annoy me..


  2. Please post your views on Lindsay Lohan in court! Very interested to hear your observations of her body language.



  3. Hi,
    I didn’t see this show but after reading about it and seeing the pictures, guys like this make me sick. Obviously this losers father never taught him respect or how a woman is to be treated. Any man who can raise his hand to a woman is no man. I just could never understand how a person could hurt another, physically and or emotionally like what is shown here. I don’t know how this woman’s father can view this without wanting to rip this guys head off! Just viewing the pictures makes me wanna slap the s*** out of this guy! That is a horrible image to see someone curled up like she is so devastated. My only thought seeing here so upset is hoping someone was near by to give her a hug. I wish I could explain how seeing that makes me feel. I’ve gotten in some arguments with my wife. But I never felt like it was necessary to raise my hand or degrade her in any way! I don’t understand how or why they allow people like this on television? I don’t watch these shows so I don’t know, but I hope he doesn’t get paid after that behavior!? He has no character, integrity, or class. This guy is a loser and shouldn’t be allowed to make a living in film or television. I just don’t understand the entertainment industry today? This guy should be locked up before he hurts someone. I’m totally disgusted that someone like this is allowed to be on television. The sad thing is there is some kid out there, probably a lot of them, who think this guy is “cool”. Laughing about what he did to this woman. I don’t care what this woman did, nothing justifies his behavior. Unbelievable.


    1. What a complete and absolute jackass. Somebody should match his loser up with Kate Gosselin. They deserve each other.


  4. This creep, Jake, is a male version of Kate Gosselin. He is as cold as ice and I do believe that he not only has violent tendencies toward those who do not bend to his will, but that he has been abusive in the past. Vienna dodged a bullet because she could have spent her youth or even a lifetime trying to get away from him.


  5. Dr. Glass, what I love about your blog is how you provide the reality check for jerks like this guy–he obviously thinks he is a fabulous person and completely in the right. His distain for Vienna is not lost on anyone and he is happy to show his contempt. There are lots of rumors circulating that he only “chose” Vienna in order not to sleep with anyone because he is gay. Vienna is clearly the more “real” person and she is lucky to have had him show his colors publicly. What does make me sad is that I believe she thought she had hit the jackpot, when in reality he set her up from the very start. I was so surprised when he barked at her like he did, he is an ugly classless man.
    Vienna, if you read this–please understand that this appearance was the best thing ever, because we all saw what you’ve been dealing with. Move on to a real relationship now, this guy is obviously gay and an opportunistic leech.


  6. p.s. it is very much to Vienna’s credit that she has never played the “gay card” which, believe me, in her position I definitely would have! If that assh***e spoke to me like that on national television the very first thing out of my mouth would have been–“you haven’t slept with me because you are not heterosexual you lying piece of crap!” But then Dr. Glass would be doing her column about how obnoxious MY behavior was than the other way around. lol.


  7. I totally agree with everything you said, I thought the exact same thing as i was watching and i’ve never seen them or the show before.


  8. I cannot believe that these are the people (Kate, Jake) that the public and tv producers have elevated to celebrity status. I find it ironic that it was rumored that Kate was attracted to Jake because he IS the male version of her.
    What’s even more disgusting is the interviewer who clearly is supporting Jake and his toxic personality. It is obvious that the interviewer was trying to railroad her. Good for Vienna!!!
    I only saw Jake on DWTS and he was the same way with his professional dancer. Temper tantrums and not wanting to be directed by a woman.


  9. What a mean spirit he has. I was in shock watching this on television. I hope he never makes another dime in hollywood.


  10. The name and email address are not correct obviously, because I don’t want people to know who I am. I dated Jake many years ago, and he was extremely abusive, in fact he threaten to kill me when I broke up with him. Vienna run, Jake can be very dangerous.


  11. Jake’s behavior sent chills down my spine because it was almost identical to my white-collar emotionally and verbally abusive ex-husband who continues to remain within his legal, religious, and familial parameters. The examples she gave and the words he used (undermine, emasculate), the way he tried to make her feel guilty for everything, the tight angry way he held himself, the hand gestures, the sharp tone, the condescending attitude, the manipulation, oh, it’s just so scary! I am really amazed actually that Vienna got out this early…she is young and idealistic so I was surprised (as was Jake I’m sure) that she fought the manipulation, didn’t go into denial, and had the courage and insight to get out!! It took me 4 years! But it’s a process. I feel that I have made the greatest escape of my life though sometimes I forget that and feel guilt again…but watching this and reliving some of my more horrific personal memories helps me to remember was ‘really’ happened and who he ‘really’ is.
    As to Jake being gay, I have a different idea. My ex is a mild stage one sexual addict (porn and masturbation–and a whole lot of lying). So I have studied and studied this topic. Recently I dated a divorced man with this same addiction, though much more severe, and after I broke up with him (because I found out about this problem), his ex-wife (who I knew through a friend) told me that they only had sex 4 times in 2.5 years!!! In our religion, we don’t have sex before we’re married either (like Jake). Their lack of physical intimacy is a symptom of porn addiction. It makes men impotent. They live in a cyber fantasy world so much so that they can’t live in a real world with real women. This ex-wife told me that she’d plead with him and he just couldn’t get close to her! (Luckily, however, he was also a gentle, mellow, good-natured person–unlike Jake) I honestly think that this is more of a problem with very religious communities where there is a lot of shame surrounding the issue and where there might be some controlling patriarchal fathers…thus a boy learns to hide his sexual behaviors and then develops a secret addiction. To me, this possible scenario screams Jake Pavelka!


  12. Jake’s full time “all about ME” was very evident on DWTS.

    Jake would be whining like a baby when the judges criticized him. I disliked this guy almost as much as Kate on the show. What a weenie. No one is phonier than Kate, but Jake is close. Could Jake Pavelka, a.k.a. Mr. Romance, whine more? Oh, poor Jake, again in the taped rehearsal segments, he said he could not concentrate when Chelsie was mean to him. Boo-hoo, you phony wimp. As Mr. Rogers might have put it, “Can we say man up, Jake?”

    Jake makes me want to gag. His behavior on the Reunion show was the “real” Jake. The only thing that concerns me now that he has killed off any possibility for a future on TV is that he will then return to his former career as an airline pilot. I sure don’t want to be one of his passengers in the lifetime!


  13. Your body language skills seem to be way off base here..I’m not a Bachelor fan, but having seen Vienna and Jake recently on the new “Pad” show I am betting the issue lies in Vienna’s Borderline personality behavior..She clearly plays the victim role like a pro..


    1. jk I agree with you. I think Vienna plays the victim role too well. I’d have to agree that Jake may have some anger issues but that does not compare to Vienna’s cold heart and behavior issues. There are other forms of abuse besides verbal and physical and personally I feel Jake was more of a victim than Vienna.


  14. Wow, I normally could care less about this reality tv crap, but I am just amazed by the train-wreck that is Jake and Vienna. When Jake was the Bachelor I never liked either of them, both dramatic and manipulative. I thought they deserved each other, but this is going too far. I’m sure Vienna has some kind of personality issues (borderline or bi-polar) which make her difficult to deal with but Jake amazes me here. Any guy that uses the “emasculate” excuse is a red-flag in my book. The scary thing is his clear lack of respect and empathy (like Vienna expressed). He also clearly has some sexual issues. I doubt Vienna cheated on him. He who smelt it dealt it; he’s probably the cheater or just has some other sexual secret (closet homosexual?). Either way, he’s bad news and needs some serious therapy. Vienna could probably get by with some meds. No shame in asking for help. I just hope she gets the support she needs to get through this and strong enough for a good guy and good relationship.


  15. You’re right! Jake showed obvious signs of being abusive. It’s so saddening to think women may think Vienna was dramatizing. If you have any insight at all you would see the signs. Not to mention how uncomfortable you feel while watching this. It made me feel sick. I’ve watched so many reality shows and I’ve Never felt so angry that such abusive actions were on the show.


  16. Jake no tiene la culpa viena solo de que lo amava y todo la verdad fue un grave errores haberse quedado con ella que mal eligio pero bueno asi fue cuando tenia a gia corrie o a ali que no pudo rogar que se quedara terriblemente fue fatal..


  17. I never warmed to Jake that much in the series but, to be honest, I had a bit of sympathy with him in this interview. Vienna would not give him a moment to speak. He was actually quite patient with her and gave her floor space, but she did not afford him the same. I thought under the circumstances that he kept his cool quite well.

    That said, I always got the impression that there was a darker side beneath his “nice guys come last” exterior. And to me his jealousy over other men is a warning flag.


  18. Durin the entyre show I was thinking “He is to good to be true” And I didn’t fail.
    This interview was really shocking, disturbing and her breaking to me as a women.


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