This coming November I have a new book coming out from Adams Media called Toxic Men- 10 Ways to Identify, Deal With and Heal from Men Who Make Your Life Miserable . Joran Van der Sloot is definitely one of the Toxic Men I describe in my book under the category of Socio/ psychopath.
In the wake of the tragedy of what happened to Stefany Flores and Natalie Holloway, I can’t stress enough for every person out there reading this blog to share what I am about to say with EVERYONE you know!
If your instincts tell you something is wrong with any person with whom you are interacting LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! Don’t worry about hurting their feelings or not being polite. Don’t care if they like you or not! Make some excuse. Leave and never look back.
Examining the recent surveillance tapes of Stefany at the Casino with Joran, we can see how she wasn’t comfortable with Joran at all.
STIFF AND UNEASY HAND SHAKE
If we look at this photo where they shake hands what is revealing is her stiffness and tightness in her body language. There is not a flowing movement. She is obviously feeling a distance towards him. Also there is a rigidity and a distance in the arm length in the handshake.
If she would have felt more comfortable she would have been physically closer to him and her elbow would have been bent. There would have been less distance between them.
The next thing that is revealing in this photo is that the hand at her side is cupped in a fist like position. This is a protective movement which indicates discomfort and an uneasiness around the person one is greeting. Stefany’s protective cupped fist indicates that she is on guard.
INITIALLY NOT WANTING TO SIT NEXT TO JORAN
The next thing that is telling is that when she sits down, she does not sit right next to Joran. Instead, she sits a chair away from him. This further indicates that she is keeping her distance from him and feels an uneasiness around him.
But then he immediately motions for her to sit next to him. So to be polite, she obliges.
JORAN INVADES STEFANY’S SPACE
If you look at this photo you will see that Joran has invaded her space. His shoulder and even his head is in her personal space as he is clearly involved in what she is doing at the table.
Her hands and arms are close together an ther is still a fist like protective hand gesture. Her shoulder is even pulled away from Joran which also speaks loudly about her discomfort around him. She clearly does not like him invading her space and it shows body language wise.
NO ROMANCE BETWEEN STEFANY AND JORAN AS THEY LEAVE THE CASINO
I believe that there was no attraction to Joran on Stefany’s part and that he may have borrowed some of her earnings to continue to play in the game.
He was so invasive and intimidating that she obliged . He got her to do a small thing like moving over to sit near him. She obliged .
So he moved up the ante and asked her to lend him some money.
I have no doubt that he told her that he had the money back at the hotel and that he would reimburse her.
There was clearly no indication of any romance or any indication that she was going to his room for a sexual encounter. If that were the case, there would not have been such physical distance between the two when they were walking together in the casino or when they were walking out of the out casino as you see int he photo above.
There is way too much distance between the two when they are outside the casino for there to be any indication of a sexual or a romantic encounter.
STEPHANY”S POSTURE SCREAMS DISCOMFORT AROUND JORAN BACK AT THE HOTEL
If you look at Stefany’s posture when she shakes Joran’s hand you can see that she is standing erect. Her head is up and her shoulders are not rounded. At this point in time, she is no doubt feeling confident and in control of the situation. She even took charge and decided where she was going to sit- away from Joran.
Now look at Stefany as she is about to enter Joran;s room. Her head is bowed and her shoulders are rounded indicating clear discomfort and uneasiness as she looks down.
Her instincts are kicking in and telling her not to go into that room. That may also be why her walk is tentative. It was also tentative when she was in the hotel lobby with him. Something inside of her was telling her not to go up to Joran’s room and her body language reflected her inner feelings.
THE CHARM AND SALESMANSHIP OF A SOCIOPATH
Since Joran made sure that Stefany would be sitting right next to him they , I wonder if he may have put something into her drink to make her more pliable to his suggestion of a. lending him gambling money, b. driving him back to the hotel under the guise of paying her back, and c. giving her some excuse to go up to his room to get the money instead of having him bring the money down to the lobby and doing their business transaction in front of the hotel staff in the lobby.
In reading the recent People Magazine article about Joran where people in his past were interviewed, they all remarked that he had a charm about him, especially with the women. This is very much the case with socio- and psychopaths. They are the ultimate con men and con women.
They pride themselves on talking others into things and out of things as they are all about manipulation. They will lie and say anything to get the other person to do what they want them to do.In fact in the People Magazine article one of Joran’s early girlfriends said that she had to end their relationship because all he did was lie and manipulate.
STEFANY FLORES HAS OPENED OUR EYES TO THE IMPORTANCE OF TRUSTING OUR INSTINCTS AND LISTENING TO OUR BODY LANGUAGE
Stefany Flores’ body language was screaming for her not to go, but unfortunately she went anyway.
She is not alone. Most of us don’t listen to our instincts and go with what we feel may be politically or socially correct. Even though something inside of us may warn us to get away from the person, most of us shrug it off and ignore it.
There is no doubt that Stefany’s stomach was telling her not to go. There were other physical signs that she ignored. Perhaps she attributed them to it being a late night, or having had a few drinks, or to her excitement of winning.
The reason I mention her stomach is that when something does not feel right, we often get a signal in the pit of our stomach. It is our autonomic nervous system kicking in, telling us that something isn’t right and that there is danger ahead.
Stefany Flores did not die in vain. From her tragic demise, we have seen how essential it is to listen to outr instincts and to trust our body language signals
Unfortunately for Stefany it is too late. But it is NOT too late for everyone else.Your body language can save your life! Listen to the signals it is giving you! www.drlillianglass.com