Today I appeared on Showbiz Tonight on Headline News where I discussed how Jon Gosselin is doing psychologically. After observing his interview with Chris Cuomo where Chris’s jaw literally dropped as he heard Jon say that that he”can’t sit on a sofa with someone that I despise”, my jaw didn’t drop. In fact, I wasn’t shocked at all. In fact, I could see where Jon is going through his “anger” phase in his grieving process as he begins his new life without Kate.
Even though what Jon said may seem shocking to many, like it did to Chris Cuomo, who chastised Jon to be careful what he says because she is the mother of his children, I believe that Jon’s releasing his anger towards Kate is actually a very healthy step in his healing process.
We must remember that Jon is a victim of domestic abuse. At this stage, he has finally come out of denial and into the realization that he was indeed abused- emotionally and verbally and even physically (the love slaps). He was abused very badly.
The is the first step towards healing from being a victim of abuse is Jon’s first admitting he was indeed a victim of abuse,. He clearly did in his interview with Chris.
When we watched the interaction between Jon and Kate on their show, there were little if any loving or tender moments during those five years. Most of what we saw on camera was Kate yelling at Jon, chastising Jon, telling Jon he wasn’t doing something right, smacking her lips in disgust at Jon, giving him a nasty or disappointed look, or slapping Jon with herself described “love taps” that didn’t seem so loving and finally humiliating Jon. If Kate did so much of this to Jon on camera, can you imagine what she did to him when the cameras weren’t rolling? In the interview with Chris Cuomo, Jon eeven tells how hate in essence calls him a loser and criticizes him for not working or having a job, even though he was the one talking care of the kids while she was galavanting around on book tours with her body guard.
How much of abuse anyone take and not have it affect him psychologically, emotionally physically and even sexually? Based on how lovingly Jon spoke about his new girlfriend Hayley Glassman, Kate’s abuse definitely affected his esteem and no doubt his sexuality.
Jon statement with regard to Hayley says it all when he says “ I get respect from her. Two things that a man needs. This is someone, I mean, like soul mate —“
The bottom line is that Haley makes him feel like a man where Kate did not. Hayley gives him respect where Kate did not. Jon certainly didn’t feel good about himself when the body guard was escorting Kate everywhere instead of him, Jon discussed that with Chris, and even expressed his concerns that Kate was cheating in him with the bodyguard. Whether it was true or not Kate obviously did nothing to reassure Jon that it was not happening and that nothing was going on between her and the bodyguard. He did nothing to make Jon feel as though he was the only man in her life and that only he mattered.
Now that Jon is away from Kate he even looks different- body language wise. When he was with Kate we can recall that his body language was all closed off with hunched over shoulders and head often bowed. He rarely spoke and whenever he did he mumbled and didn’t speak clearly. He also had a monotone, that now, in reflection, may have been a sign of his depressed emotional state when he was being abused by Kate.
During this interview with Chris Cuomo as well as in the photographs that have surfaced over the internet, Jon now has an open body and facial language. In the interview, he was wide eyed and his face was filled with expressions of emotion. He was real. He looked much more handsome because of his now open and expressive face. He no longer exhibited the sour faced person we saw for five years as he sat on the couch next to his abuser Kate. His posture was open. He sat upright instead of being slunched over. His head was up. And most of all his speech and voice dramatically transformed. Now he could be heard as he no longer mumbled. He spoke clearly, expressively with resonance, timbre and inflection.
John expressed a myriad of emotions- not just anger which was reflected in telling how he despised his abuser- Kate and rightfully so. He also expressed sadness and tears at perhaps not giving the older twin girls Kara and Mady the attention they deserved. He also expressed joy and happiness when talking about his new love Haley Glassman. John was real and that was great,
What a lot of viewers didn’t think was particularly great was openly admitting how he despised Kate on television, even though many would agree that her behavior towards him is despicable and her trashing of him in the magazines and on Larry King Live was despicable. Kate is no victim. It works both ways. She trashed him over and over and over and over since the separation while he sat in silence looking like the bad guy.
Well he finally spoke up and spoke out. Only when he did, the damn burst wide open and everything in his heart poured out- all his feelings- the good ones and the bad ones. I’m glad he expressed himself so openly.
I also don’t think it is necessarily a bad thing that the kids know that he despises their mother. Why? Because these kids need to know that when someone abuses another for so long a period of time as Kate was abusive to Jon, there are consequences for their actions. They will not be loved and that they may even be hated. That is a fact and a reality of life. These children need to learn that you cannot abuse others because if you do you will elicit hateful feelings from them.
To some the words “hate” and despise” are shocking words. I am not shocked by them as I feel they are words at the end of the emotional spectrum that deserve to be addressed and felt. Just because these emotions don’t feel good, they must not be ignored.Teh reality is that people dislike others. They hate others and they even despise others.
I personally despise anyone who abuses an animal or a child or a spouse . So I fully understand why Jon despises Kate. She abused her spouse so I think this is a well deserved word with regard to Kate even if she is the mother of his children. So what? A person can hate and despise the mother of your children or the father of your children if that mother or father of your children is being abused.
It’s not the fact that Jon said he despises Kate that will come back to haunt these children. What will haunt them is seeing Kate’s constant abuse towards Jon- seeing him humiliated and disrespected day after day.
Kate’s humiliating Jon has already trickled down to the children . When I watched little Joel yell at his daddy on television disrespectfully telling him to be quiet because they were filming, I was appalled. I wasn’t as much appalled by Joel’s disrespect as I was by the fact that Joel learned to disrespect his father because he was mirroring Kate’s behavior.
Life with Kate must have been unbearable for Jon and thankfully he is rid of her and ready to begin a new life with friends and to reacquaint himself with family. The most revealing part of the interview was when Jon said” Why can’t I have my mother and the kids together.” as Kate obviously didn’t want Jon’s mother around.
That showed how Kate is so full of hate. There is clearly something wrong with a woman who has had falling outs with so many people including her parents, her brother, her sister in law Jody, members of her church, Jon’s mother, so many nannies and cleaners and helpers. When people have that much difficulty getting along with others you have to ask yourself whether that person has a boarderline personality disorder- not a good thing especially for the kids
We have definitely seen that Kate favors certain kids over the others, that in twin daughter Mady’s words is “mean”, seems more concerned with a clean house and messes than hugging and kissing her kids and always seems to be yelling at or chastising the kids- spanking them in public or verbally humiliating them. Maybe on one of the next shows Kate needs a visit from Super nanny Jo to set her straight and teach her not to abuse the kids and continue where she left off he abuse towards Jon. Kate needs help in my opinion and needs it sooner than later.
She doesn’t need therapy on Dr. Phil’s show unless Dr. Phil gives her a huge dose of reality and verbally “kicks her behind” in the process and puts her in her place.