Candy Spelling Is A Toxic Mother to Tori

As the author of the bestselling book since 1995, TOXIC PEOPLE, I can assure you that Candy Spelling, is definitely a Toxic Mother to daughter Tori. Apparently, Candy was invited to her granddaughter’s first birthday party. This would have been the first time she would have met her granddaughter. At first she accepted the invitation, but when she discovered her appearance at the party would be used as an episode of the show, she declined the invitation.
But then as an act of retaliation, she committed a huge act of verbal violence by Hollywood standards. She shot her daughter in the press with the verbal bullet of “ageism” as she addressed a letter to her (which she shared through TMZ) for all the world to see “To: Middle-Aged Reality Show Stars (Like My Daughter).
She knew exactly what she was doing and how harmful it would be to her daughter’s career. After being married to the most powerful man in Hollywood for years, she knew the Hollywood rules be heart. She knew that you never discuss anyone’s sexual predilections, their health or their age as any of these elements can undo a person’s career. Age is a particularly sensitive issue for women in Hollywood. Nobody admits it, but it is a fact. Men in Hollywood don’t happen until they are 40 and above, but for women it is the opposite. That is why they go through great lengths to keep up that youthful appearance. It means bread on one’s table. It means getting SAG and AFTRA payments and residuals so you can qualify for the best health insurance in the world, heaven forbid you need it.
While the comment may not have an immediate affect on Tori’s career, millions of people who read TMZ, Perez Hilton and drudgereport -some of whom are in positions to hire Tori, may have this “ middle aged” moniker you bestowed upon her subconsciously embedded in the recesses of their mind-that she is “middle aged” . Thus, they wouldn’t even consider her for a role. The term “middle aged” is difficult to shake for a Hollywood actress no matter how good or youthful Tori looks.
It is also interesting how Candy begins the letter stating “ I know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.”
The fact that she had the same issues as Tori with her own parents should make her more sensitive to Tori’s plight. Instead, she is anything but compassionate. She lashes out by saying that as part of the reality show it was an “agonizing” decision Tori had to go through as to whether or not to invite her mother.
Well, Candy here is a reality check. It was “agonizing”, so much so, that Tori knew that if cameras were around it would be “safe” for her to be around you. She may have felt that the cameras and crew would serve as buffers against your vitriol which you clearly demonstrated in this unnecessary and very toxic letter to her. The fact that she even invited you was huge considering the public rift between you two. No matter how it was presented to you in what form (cameras or not), you were given an opportunity to see your granddaughter for the first time and you blew the opportunity.
You stated, I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that i would not be attending. In The first place it is into your decision to “decide” as to how you will meet your granddaughter. It is Tor’s decision. She is the baby’s mother and guardian. She opened the door, no matter how slight it was. Tori opened the door and you slammed it shut out of stubbornness, ego and false pride. As the late writer of the 20’s Dorothy Parker once said “the real pride is no pride”. You needed to have swallowed your false pride and gone for the sake of that innocent baby. It would have been healing for you and for Tori too. Maybe she would have seen a different side to you- a more loving and nurturing side in front of the baby. Maybe that would have helped erase some of the pain she harbors towards you.
You could have been gracious, gone and used the press as an opportunity to express that you didn’t envision this would be how you would be meeting your granddaughter for the first time. But to be sneaky and spineless and passive aggressive and mean spirited and full of vengeance about it by writing a public letter to Tori is unconscionable.
I wouldn’t blame her if she uses one of the techniques I describe in my book- the “Unplug” technique where she walks away from you and NEVER deals with you again. I can’t say that I blame her. In fact I would encourage it. What you did was unforgiveable. It was abusive and very damaging, You know it and so does everyone else in the Hollywood community. They get exactly what you were trying to do.
Then you cut down Tori’s show and once again insert your ego by discussing what your late husband taught you about TV. Your statement “ Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.” was yet another verbal bullet in your daughters heart.
Childhood memories are very important in a person’s development , yet you minimize Tori’s feelings. What she is no doubt most affected by is how horribly you must have treated her during the first grade, YMCA Camp, and when she was forced to endure a certain vegetable. It’s not the event as much as how one is treated during that event that affects our emotional memories.
Your last statement , especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.” Said it all! It smacks of a Toxic mother who is jealous of her daughters success at being on television. You revealed what is really under your craw, that your less than perfect, less than attractive, less than talented daughter in your eyes, is a celebrity – a star and you are not.
Then you finally go on to say “ real life doesn’t get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You’re responsible for what you do. Life isn’t just a show. And your families can’t just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.”
Tori made a great “ responsible” decision to invite you, no matter what the circumstances were- cameras or not. You declined for whatever reason. The words “conflicts you will regret later” sounds like a veiled threat. Perhaps you mean to say Tori won’t be left any money in the will when you pass.
Years ago it was stated during the Hollywood studio system that there was no such thing as bad press. “Just spell my name right+, they used to say. Well in today’s era, there is such a thing as bad press. What you did is very damaging to you and to your daughter and granddaughter. You deprived yourself of a chance of ever having your granddaughter get to know you. You deprived yourself of a chance to heal your pain with Tori. Why? Because of “pride” and ego.
It’s a shame. The world finally saw Tori’s point of view and why she feels so negatively about you. You unfortunately are a Toxic mother and Tori has no other choice in my opinion than to unplug from a woman who tried to deliberately damage her own flesh and blood in a town where image and impression are so important to one’s livelihood.

 Candy Spelling Toxic to daughter Tori
Candy Spelling Toxic to daughter Tori


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