With Baby Zuma Rossdale, carried securely in his arm there is nothing more adorable than this precious photo of father and son bonding. The baby’s beautiful facial language is expressing pure innocence, awe, and wonder at the sights and sounds around him . It is truly heart rendering.
As the author of the bestselling book since 1995, TOXIC PEOPLE, I can assure you that Candy Spelling, is definitely a Toxic Mother to daughter Tori. Apparently, Candy was invited to her granddaughter’s first birthday party. This would have been the first time she would have met her granddaughter. At first she accepted the invitation, but when she discovered her appearance at the party would be used as an episode of the show, she declined the invitation.
But then as an act of retaliation, she committed a huge act of verbal violence by Hollywood standards. She shot her daughter in the press with the verbal bullet of “ageism” as she addressed a letter to her (which she shared through TMZ) for all the world to see “To: Middle-Aged Reality Show Stars (Like My Daughter).
She knew exactly what she was doing and how harmful it would be to her daughter’s career. After being married to the most powerful man in Hollywood for years, she knew the Hollywood rules be heart. She knew that you never discuss anyone’s sexual predilections, their health or their age as any of these elements can undo a person’s career. Age is a particularly sensitive issue for women in Hollywood. Nobody admits it, but it is a fact. Men in Hollywood don’t happen until they are 40 and above, but for women it is the opposite. That is why they go through great lengths to keep up that youthful appearance. It means bread on one’s table. It means getting SAG and AFTRA payments and residuals so you can qualify for the best health insurance in the world, heaven forbid you need it.
While the comment may not have an immediate affect on Tori’s career, millions of people who read TMZ, Perez Hilton and drudgereport -some of whom are in positions to hire Tori, may have this “ middle aged” moniker you bestowed upon her subconsciously embedded in the recesses of their mind-that she is “middle aged” . Thus, they wouldn’t even consider her for a role. The term “middle aged” is difficult to shake for a Hollywood actress no matter how good or youthful Tori looks.
It is also interesting how Candy begins the letter stating “ I know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.”
The fact that she had the same issues as Tori with her own parents should make her more sensitive to Tori’s plight. Instead, she is anything but compassionate. She lashes out by saying that as part of the reality show it was an “agonizing” decision Tori had to go through as to whether or not to invite her mother.
Well, Candy here is a reality check. It was “agonizing”, so much so, that Tori knew that if cameras were around it would be “safe” for her to be around you. She may have felt that the cameras and crew would serve as buffers against your vitriol which you clearly demonstrated in this unnecessary and very toxic letter to her. The fact that she even invited you was huge considering the public rift between you two. No matter how it was presented to you in what form (cameras or not), you were given an opportunity to see your granddaughter for the first time and you blew the opportunity.
You stated, I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that i would not be attending. In The first place it is into your decision to “decide” as to how you will meet your granddaughter. It is Tor’s decision. She is the baby’s mother and guardian. She opened the door, no matter how slight it was. Tori opened the door and you slammed it shut out of stubbornness, ego and false pride. As the late writer of the 20’s Dorothy Parker once said “the real pride is no pride”. You needed to have swallowed your false pride and gone for the sake of that innocent baby. It would have been healing for you and for Tori too. Maybe she would have seen a different side to you- a more loving and nurturing side in front of the baby. Maybe that would have helped erase some of the pain she harbors towards you.
You could have been gracious, gone and used the press as an opportunity to express that you didn’t envision this would be how you would be meeting your granddaughter for the first time. But to be sneaky and spineless and passive aggressive and mean spirited and full of vengeance about it by writing a public letter to Tori is unconscionable.
I wouldn’t blame her if she uses one of the techniques I describe in my book- the “Unplug” technique where she walks away from you and NEVER deals with you again. I can’t say that I blame her. In fact I would encourage it. What you did was unforgiveable. It was abusive and very damaging, You know it and so does everyone else in the Hollywood community. They get exactly what you were trying to do.
Then you cut down Tori’s show and once again insert your ego by discussing what your late husband taught you about TV. Your statement “ Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.” was yet another verbal bullet in your daughters heart.
Childhood memories are very important in a person’s development , yet you minimize Tori’s feelings. What she is no doubt most affected by is how horribly you must have treated her during the first grade, YMCA Camp, and when she was forced to endure a certain vegetable. It’s not the event as much as how one is treated during that event that affects our emotional memories.
Your last statement , especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.” Said it all! It smacks of a Toxic mother who is jealous of her daughters success at being on television. You revealed what is really under your craw, that your less than perfect, less than attractive, less than talented daughter in your eyes, is a celebrity – a star and you are not.
Then you finally go on to say “ real life doesn’t get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You’re responsible for what you do. Life isn’t just a show. And your families can’t just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.”
Tori made a great “ responsible” decision to invite you, no matter what the circumstances were- cameras or not. You declined for whatever reason. The words “conflicts you will regret later” sounds like a veiled threat. Perhaps you mean to say Tori won’t be left any money in the will when you pass.
Years ago it was stated during the Hollywood studio system that there was no such thing as bad press. “Just spell my name right+, they used to say. Well in today’s era, there is such a thing as bad press. What you did is very damaging to you and to your daughter and granddaughter. You deprived yourself of a chance of ever having your granddaughter get to know you. You deprived yourself of a chance to heal your pain with Tori. Why? Because of “pride” and ego.
It’s a shame. The world finally saw Tori’s point of view and why she feels so negatively about you. You unfortunately are a Toxic mother and Tori has no other choice in my opinion than to unplug from a woman who tried to deliberately damage her own flesh and blood in a town where image and impression are so important to one’s livelihood.
Michael Jackson’s father’s body language on Larry King Live shows signals of deception as well as defensiveness asked about whether he abused Michael. Even though Joe Jackson’s words in his final statement to Larry King, says that he didn’t beat Michael, his body language said something entirely different. He shook his head “yes” when he made his statement. Saying something in the negative while shaking one’s head in the affirmative is often indication that the person may not be telling the truth.
The tone of a person’s voice is also a good indicator as to whether they are telling the truth or not. Throughout the Joe Jackson’s vocal tone with his harsh tonal attacks as he attempts to defend himself against the allegations that he abused Michael speaks volumes. When Larry first brings up the topic of abuse we see Joe immediately go into defensive mode as he vulgarly says “that’s a bunch of bull s”. Then the pitch of his voice goes up when he says he never harmed Michael which indicates his defensiveness and is often a sign of deception. At the beginning of the interview we see Joe’s head cocked the side and looking away to the side when he is asked questions which are also indicators of deception.
Immediately repeating a word or a phrase is another indicator of deception. Joe Jackson does this a lot during his interview in discussing whether he beat Michael, He says the word “never” and then as an after thought says “never have” to validate what he just said. Repetition takes place again as he says “And I and I raised” him just like you would raise your kids”.
As he says this he tosses out his arm in a rather dismissive body language action which indicates hostility. He often displays hostile body language as a form of defensiveness by lunging his body forward. It is most evident when he was discussing how people who spank their kids and don’t admit it are lying. He also throws his hands out in an aggressive motion.
As Joe independently volunteers more information his tone gets more defensive as he says “ Harm Micheal for what? I have no reason What’s my son I loved him. In Joe’s defense when he says “I loved him. And I still love him.”
As he says “ I loved him and still love him” for the first time we see Joe speaking in a non defensive tone with his head up in a confident manner as his eyes focus directly into the camera. This indicates that there is no doubt in his mind that in his own way, he definitely loved his son.
When Larry asks Joe whether Michael once said that Joe was physically and emotionally abusive to him . Joe looks down and licks his lips (signals of discomfort and often associated with deception). When Joe says the media keeps hollering about him beating his son, it is interesting that he would choose such an aggressive word as “ hollering” as opposed to a less aggressive word like “saying”. Next, Joes’s facial expression shows flashes of anger and his body language becomes more aggressive as he lunges forward while going into a diatribe as he says “you know where this beatin comes from” It comes from the days of slavery when they used to beat the slaves and they used to torture them, That’s where this beatin started.”
Going off on tangents that have little if anything o do with the subject discussed when asked a direct question is often a signal of deception. It is an attempt to take the focus off and divert attention from the key issue which is whether Joe beat Michael. Joe goes off on a tangent and says that that all this beating started in slavery when the slave masters beat the slaves. This of course had nothing to do with the question as to whether he beat Michael.
Then right afterwards he pauses, leans into the camera with his head down as she speaks softer as if to tell a secret. Unprompted and out of the blue, he brings up the topic of “spanking”. In doing so, it is as though he is admitting that he did indeed spank Michael and is now attempting to vindicate himself.
He says “ Larry there are a lot of people in America that spank their kids. And if they say they don’t (his voice gets louder and tone more aggressive ) They’re lying. “ Joe subsequently licks his lips which shows discomfort and uneasiness. Next, he throw his hands outwards in an aggressive and defensive manner.
The most telling of all body language signals is at the end of interview where Joe says. “ Michael was never beated.” He shakes his head yes as he adds “by me” and then licks his lips. Saying something in the negative (he never was beaten) and then shaking his head in the affirmative- “yes” says it all- that he did indeed beat Michael.
The bottom line is from Joes tone of voice and body language there is a clear indication that Michael was telling the truth when he openly admitted to Oprah and other members of the press that he was indeed beaten and did suffer abuse at the hands of his father.
Seeing Kate walking in the street with little Hannah and Adan is heartbreaking. The meanness in her face with her lip muscles turning downwards and the tension in her brow reflect what is going on inside of her- anger and upset.
When you look at how she holding the children’s hands it is distressing. It’s not loving. It’s obligatory and cold as she grips Hannah’s and Adan’s wrists. By the tension evident in Kate’s forearms, she pulls the children’s arms up in what is clearly an uncomfortable hand position for the children.
Hannah’s hand in her pocket is a self comforting or self soothing gesture as she finds solace in her pocket. Being grabbed by the wrist with such force and having her arm pulled would not feel good, to anyone, let alone a five year old child. So. Hannah is putting her hand in her pocket as a form of protecting her free arm and hand from Kate’s wrath Hannah looks so sad as she looks down. Her furrowed forehead and sad facial expression indicates she is extremely unhappy. She also looks away to the side as thought she wants to detach and get away from her mother’s anger that she is no doubt feeling.
Kate appears to be grabbing Adan’s wrist with force as well as you can clearly see by the muscle tension in her forearm . The facial expression of this once happy smiling child is so sad to see .He has no smile on his face as there is a lot of tension in his lips, indicating unhappiness. He looks ahead and appears to be detached- in a world of his own, no doubt, as a means to avoid Kate’s anger. Like Hannah, Adan is not too pleased with having his arm tightly grabbed. His free hand reflects this. It is curved under in a fist like fashion, indicating that he is feeling angry at what his mom is doing with his arm and unhappy.
It is clear that Kate has been spending a lot of times working out her arms in a gym as they look quite muscular. My suggestion is that she spend an equal amount of time working on her children’s emotional health, consulting with a child psychologist. She needs someone to intervene and help her with her relationship with her kids, especially now that there is a breakup, or she is going to create a situation with there are eight very disturbed children. From watching the show since its inception it is clear that there is a huge change in the children’s demeanor., They are clearly not happy. They look sad and some of them look detached.
My opinion is that Kate also needs a therapist of her own to help her work on her anger issues. Based on the angry way she’s grabbed her kids hands as clearly seen in this photograph, she is no doubt transferring that anger on to her kids.
We recently saw a smiling and very happy Jon Gosselin when he and his new girlfriend Hailey Glassman were on a yacht in France. But now that he’s home with Kate and the kids his body language shows just how miserable he is. With his back to Kate, visible tension in his jaw, and bottle in hand (is it Jack Daniels?) Jon is taking a huge step which indicates that he is walking quickly to no doubt get away from Kate as fast as he can. His head jutting forward also indicates that he is not too happy about being home.
Kate, with her rounded shoulders and hunched over body language is feeling dejected, rejected, and resigned to the fact that she can no longer verbally abuse, push, slap Jon around as we saw her do for the past five seasons on the show. While holding on to her coffee cup, we also see Kate cross over her on to her lap. That along with her crossed legs, are protective body language signals. In essence Kate is minimizing herself as she takes up less space indicating that she is no doubt feeling very insecure these days. Kate’s body language is out of character. It is unlike the confident body language we have seen on the shows where she took up lots of physical space and maximized her presence while she ruled the roost .
Perhaps the saddest thing of all to come out of the Jon and Kate breakup is to see what is happening with their innocent little children. Adan’s ( the one with the glasses who is crazy about animals) little body language says it all. He obviously feels the tension between the two, and doesn’t want any part of it. So , he literally turns his back on his parents, preferring to focus on what looks like a cup in his hand. His arm is at a right angle and his ramrod straight posture shows that there is tension in his little body. This is obviously a very uncomfortable situation for this sensitive and loving little boy whom we have seen grow up on the show.
The body language between President Obama and Libyan leader Muammar Abu al-Gaddafi says a lot of good things in terms of the relationship between the two men. Al Ghadaffi leans his body towards Obama and stretches out his hand a greater distance in what appears to be a firm gripped handshake. This indicates that he is making an effort to reach out. Both leaders look eye to eye at one another and share and there is an open mouthed bright smile showing teeth.
This indicates an openness and trust between the two and may indicate that they are seeing eye to eye. Apparently they do appear to see eye to eye as far as Iran’s nuclear program is concerned-a topic they discussed during their meeting. Both leaders agree that Iran should have a nuclear program as long as it is for peaceful purposes and not to develop nuclear weapons.
Finally, Al Ghadaffi’s shoulders are slightly rounded during his handshake, thus indicating deference and respect towards President Obama. In response, we see President Obama’s other hand extended with his open palm facing Al Ghadaffi and his thumb pointing upwards. This body language gesture indicates openness, confidence, and trust which Obama is expressing towards Al Ghadaffi. In essence Obama is saying that he is expressing a high level of confidence that he trusts that the two leaders will work together in harmony
This recent photo of US President Barak Obama and Russian President Dmitriy Medvedev speaks
volumes about positive US and Russian relations. In analyzing the body language of
these two world leaders we see three things that indicate openness, willingness to communicate, and
good relations between the two leaders.
Their respective torsos leaning in towards one another, their identical open hand gestures
mirroring one another , and their toe’s pointed in one another’s direction are all three strong
body language indicators they are on the same page.
Their heads are leaning in orders one another which indicates their willingness to communicate and
literally “put their heads together” to come up with a workable solution. It also indicates that they are
Medvedev’s open eyed raised eyebrow gesture, his slightly open jaw, and relaxed facial appearance
along with Obama’s warm and genuine smile even displaying teeth/ further indicates an openness and
a great comfort level between these two world leaders
Their hand gestures are identical as they both lean their arms, shoulders and hands towards one
another. Their displaying open palms towards one another indicates that they come in friendship as
colleagues with an open agenda.
The fact that their legs are pointed in one another’s direction is also a good sign. While Medvedev is
still a bit more reserved and holding back a bit as indicated by his crossed legs, Obama’s open leg
position shows that he is more open.
Their toes pointing in one another’s direction indicates that these two most powerful
world leaders genuinely like and respect one another which may have favorable repercussions
on their respective countries.