KEEPING AN OPEN MIND BEFORE TIGER SPOKE
Today I appeared on CBS’s The Insider and the TV Guide Network. I was interviewed by OK Magazine, In Touch Weekly, The Star, the Globe, and the New York Daily News , Hollywoodlife.com and WIOD Radio in Miami and WJN Radio in Detroit. regarding Tiger Woods, his body language, communication and how he comported himself during his speech.
As I watched him, I kept a completely open mind. While I thought his behavior and cheating on his wife Elin was egregious, I was looking forward to hearing what he had to say. I expected to see a sincere person who would not only tell me he was honestly sorry and ashamed of his behavior and how horribly it affected his wife.
BLAME AND DEFENSIVENESS
Instead, I heard, arrogance, defensiveness, blame and anger in his tone. While I heard the right words. they were definitely said in the wrong tone! As a result they did not ring true to me. There was a complete disconnect between what he said, how he said it and how he comported himself while he said it.
My reaction was that he did NOT do well. In fact I think that his empty apology did nothing to help his image. In fact. I believe it made matters worse as she spoke in a staccato tone and looked down at his paper most of the time, only showing his face for contrived expressions and gestures.
MONOTONE, MONO- FACE AND MONO- BODY LANGUAGE
His mono-tone, mono-face and mono- body language spoke volumes. The speech was no doubt written for him as those were clearly not his heartfelt words. I saw the entire exercise as a PR ploy designed address his sponsors and the contributors to his Foundation. To me, watching him in action or rather non action, was a wasted 13 and 1.2 minutes of my day.
There was absolutely NO remorse body language wise when he spoke. When a person shows contrition, his or her head is bowed down and their shoulders hunch over. They attempt to minimize themselves physically as they show shame and embarrassment. This was clearly not the case with Tiger who consistently displayed a ramrod straight posture. This was indicative of super confidence if not arrogance and entitlement.
NOT FEELING IT!
His apology as to what a bad boy he was, was empty. Yes he was nervous with the swallowing and the lip licking, but that can also be a signal of deception- of not really believing what you are saying, or in Tiger’s case- not believing what you are reading that someone no doubt wrote for you.
He was not feeling it and neither were we! When he put his hand over his heart with his awkward splayed fingers it was laughable. It was a though someone choreographed a note to put his hand over his heart as he read the certain part in his script.
When he robotically looked to the right and to the left it was obvious that someone must have written a note for him to do that on his well rehearsed script.
And please do not tell me that this is the way Tiger is and that he shows no emotion or life in his tone. I say to you, go back and look at his earlier interviews and you will see the live and emotion in his tone.
His robotic behavior was a way of his detaching and ignoring the emotion.
ANGER OF THE TIGER
Tiger was detached for the most part but he was also angry-angry he got caught. He was angry that the prostitutes , call girls, and ho’s who spilled the beans to capitalize on their 15 minutes of fame due to their sexual association with him. He was angry that he lost a lot of sponsors. He was angry that his foundation is suffering. Angry that he had to get up in front of people to do this to save what is left of his endorsements. He was angry that Elin found out. He was angry that people are on the right track in terms of what probably happened that he was caught cheating, ran out of the house barefoot, had Elin run after him with a golf club as he hit the pole.
His anger was misdirected towards the papps. He raised his voice in anger when he spoke of how dare the press follow his child, his mother and Elin around. He was defensive and said it in such a hostile way that it will no doubt encourage certain papps to follow them around even more. He needed to plead with them nicely and tell them he needed privacy for their healing process. Instead, he needed to ask their respect for his privacy not admonish them for doing their jobs.
He was also angry toned when he insisted that Elin did NO physical abuse and there was no domestic violence which took place. The fact that he didn’t share what did take place makes one think deception has taken place in his empty statements. Also it was way too much information. When people give away too much information, it is indicative of deception.
Then why in the world did he run out of his home shoeless? Why was a golf club involved? Why did he have a fat lip? Why did he hit a pole in the wee hours of the morning? Did a bear break into his home and he had to run for it? What was the story. The fact that he didn’t share it makes one assume that a dispute took place and some physical violence may have occurred. And please don’t say that it is none of our business. It sure is our business when he takes the time to waste 13 and ½ minutes of our day and not tell us what we want to know and to give us a lame apology.
RAMROD POSTURE AND ROCKING BACK AND FORTH AT THE END
His ramrod posture showed arrogance and ager as well at having to do this. If this was the part of the 12 step where he made amends, he did it reluctantly and his body language showed it. There was no humility shown posture wise. The only time he moved was right at the end when he knew he was almost done with his ordeal, He slightly rocked his body back and forth.
When people do this it means that they want out of there. They want to leave. It was clear that Tiger could not wait for all of this to be over and to leave the stage.
As he left the stage and wiped his brow of sweat you could see that he sweated his way through the contrived speech hoping it would be well receives, which it was not.
BRINGING IN SOME GOOD OLD RELIGION INTO THE MIX
While I am all for people brining in their religious beliefs to support them during hard times, it was so contrived to throw in his Buddhism out of the blue.
If he began the speech saying that he was a Buddhist and he strayed it would have been one thing and would have sounded a lot more sincere But to stick it in 3/4 of the way down was as though he was throwing everything into the apology and excuse pot to see what would stick.
WHAT PEOPLE MENTION FIRST IS WHAT IS PRIMARILY ON THEIR MIND
Whatever anyone brings up initially is what is foremost on their mind. Foremost on his mind was not his religion. It was not Elin. It was not his kids. It was not his sex partners. It was not his mom. It WAS his sponsors and his foundation.
This apology speech was about all the sponsors and the money he lost. It was letting people know that he would be baaack! It was to let people know that he was not giving up golf and that his main concern was his sponsors and his finances and his foundation and letting people know that he was not on performance enhancing drugs. The fans were only a concern if they purchased the products he endorsed.
It was obvious as soon as he opened his mouth that this false apology was about business-big business and big finance . Otherwise the order of those to whom he apologized would have been completely different. Elin would have come first, the children second, mamma and ancestors third. Then religion would have come next or perhaps religion would have come first.
There was only one genuine moment and that is when he looked into his mama’s eyes and she patted him on the shoulders. Although it was sweet it may have been done to show solidarity and to help him repair his severely damaged image.
The truth that could not be hidden throughout his speech was that he she could not even look at him as he spoke. She looked down and crossed her arms over her torso, She also dug her fingers into her own side as she sat there as you could see the pressure and the tension of her fingers.
Her jaw jutted forward and her lips were pursed in anger and shame. In her Thai and Chinese culture where saving face is so important, she was clearly shamed. Tiger’s actions shamed her and her ancestors and it showed no matter how many hugs and kisses or pats on the shoulder she gave him at the end.
GOING DOWN THE RECEPTION LINE I personally found it inappropriate when Tiger when down the line of those seated in the front row and hugged and kissed them and was congratulated as though he had finished making a Satte of the Union Address. He needed to hug his mom and leave the stage and do his hugs and back slapping and back patting privately.
When he smiled after hugging the woman who was sitting in the first seat next to his mother it was completely inappropriate as there was absolutely nothing to smile about.
IS THE SEX REHAB ONLY A PR PLOY?
I have never heard of anyone leaving a rehab facility of any kind in the middle of their program. That is why I am not sure how rehabbed Tiger is getting and what it is that he is getting rehabbed for. There was talk that he took a lot of Ambien by the press, In fact perhaps the reason he was passed out in the street when the cops came after he hit the pole may have been due to prescription drug use.
Personally I believe that Tigers foray into sex rehab is only a PR Ploy. If he is getting rehabbed perhaps it is for prescription drugs and not for sex addiction.
Tiger cheated with so many different women because he could and because they were available- plain and simple. He didn’t say he had a sex addiction or he would have addressed it in in his speech. Instead, he said that he felt entitled and felt he didn’t have to abide by the same standards as everyone else. That is the case. He said it in his own words.
IMAGE REPAIR OR DAMAGE?
There are those that think that when Tiger returns to the greens he will be an even better golfer. Others thing the opposite. It all remains to be seen. No matter what kind of golfer he turns out to be, his image is damaged forever and this little press soirée did not help him any. He was ill advised in terms of repairing his image. It fact he performed so poorly and insincerely that it hurt his image in my view.
But, on the other hand , if the intention was for this to be a little advertisement to let sponsors and business associates know that he is coming back the golf world very soon and it will be business as usual, he may have been very well advised. Golf is big business and so is Tiger Woods. That speech was about business That is it!
TIGER IN THE WORLD Even though man in our culture doesn’t approve of Tiger’s actions, there are a lot of people and cultures around the word who could care less. So Tiger’s finances may not be that affected or harmed around the world.
In some places in the world, it is business as usual as it pertains to Tiger Woods. In Dubai, for example, there is still the Tiger Woods City that is still continuing to be built complete with a golf course that tourist guides proudly brag about when you visit Dubai.
In Japan they have made rubber masks and dolls of Tiger woods that have sold very well.
When the scandal broke there was even talk of Tiger moving to France where as the French press reported his indiscretions would not be so frowned upon.
When Tiger does return to the course later this year, don’t be surprised if you see him hailed as a “hero” by many. Don’t be surprised if he is applauded and receives a standing ovation when he shows up at some event after he is “rehabbed.”
Even though it’s all pretty sickening to me, it is a very real possibility. I agree that what someone does in their private life is their business, but it is my business when you misrepresent yourself as being someone whom you are not. Just don’t promote yourself and your products as Mr. Squeaky Clean when you are in reality Mr. Freaky Team!
My only thoughts are with Elin and the kids. The longer they stay in separate housing and apart, it does not look like a good sign in terms of their relationship as most therapists would agree. You need to be together in the same place and in the same environment to have a better chance to work things out. She did visit him in rehab which is a good sign. But her not residing in the same home with him at this point and her no show at his speech certainly does not bode well for the future of their relationship. www.drlillianglass.com